Quality, Not Perfection

Recently, I realized I have held myself and others to a standard of perfection. And in turn, others hold me to the same standard. But the standard of perfection leaves all of us feeling we’re letting each other down. Letting ourselves down. And I found myself in a personal spiral: analyze, re-play, critique.

The major problem with this…perfection is not real.

Quality is real.

I started thinking about what on this planet requires absolute perfection. Absolute precision. Does anything? Surgery? Aerospace? I will argue not even these are held to a standard of perfection. Instead, it is a standard of quality.

The act of surgery is not perfect. The same surgeon can perform the same type of surgery 1000 times and the result will be nearly identical but not completely identical because each patient’s body is different. Each circumstance is different. However, quality is critical. Perfection does not leave room for differing circumstances. Perfection assumes the environment is idyllic and the circumstances are perfect. But that is never the reality. The scar on one patient will look worse than the scar on another patient. Is it the patient’s body? Is it the circumstances of the surgery where the surgery was performed as an emergency rather than in a controlled, planned environment? I am not in medicine, so I won’t speak to the why.

It’s quality that counts. Not perfection.

Years ago, I read a book called Grace, Not Perfection. This was geared toward mothers. Today, I am saying “quality not perfection” because I believe “quality” better applies to business. But goodness, as mothers, let’s give ourselves a little grace too.

If we are holding ourselves and allowing others to hold us to a standard of perfection, then we are setting ourselves and others up for stress, burnout, exhaustion, and broken emotions. Perfection is an unattainable standard. And if we expect this then we could be halting our own growth and creativity. Perfection does not allow for flexibility. Nor adaptability. It does not allow for life.

In life and in business we need flexibility and adaptability.

Quality IS attainable. Grace IS attainable.

Always the Numbers

It’s difficult to find statistics on ideas of perfection within motherhood but I found the ones below relevant:

• 46% of mothers rate their stress level at an 8 or higher (on a 10-point scale). Compared to 31% of fathers. This is from the survey, “Stress in America” by American Psychological Association. It is common knowledge in the mom-community that mothers carry “mom-guilt” and are “mom-shamed” on a variety of decisions they make daily. This was not a surprising statistic to me.
• 50% of mothers feel compelled to meet unrealistic standards (or a form of perfectionism). This was via online surveys so less credibility, but I also find it highly believable.
• The phrase “practice makes perfect” dates all the way back to the 1500’s. In the United States it was found in the diary and autobiography of John Adams (1766). As a child/adolescent in the 1990’s, I remember hearing the phrase everywhere. I don’t remember my parents saying this, but I do seem to have it drilled into my head from the media. I have even used this phrase to my own boys. Well, I am stopping today. I do not expect them to be perfect. But I do expect them to exhibit quality and care. 
  

The Next Step

I will never again use the word “perfectionist” as expectation for myself or others. How do we strive for quality over perfection?

• Set realistic goals (remember the SMART goals we all learned back in our college days)? Specific. Measurable. Achievable. Relevant. Time-bound. Start by setting achievable and realistic goals. This means understanding and accepting your own limits and those of your situation. It’s about aiming for excellence when possible but recognizing that not every task needs to be done to an impossible standard. Goals should challenge you, but they also need to be attainable.
• Progress over perfection. Are you seeing progress? Perfection will never be achieved. But do you see progress? If so, keep going. You are doing the right thing. Shift your focus from the outcome to the process of improvement. Celebrate small victories and the journey. This approach not only reduces the pressure to be perfect but also highlights the value in the journey and the lessons learned along the way.
• Prioritize and delegate. I wrote a little about this in my last article “Be Proud of Grit”. Understand what tasks require your highest quality effort and which can be completed with a "good enough" approach. Delegation is also important. At home and at work. The more you take off your plate the more you can grow in your career and as an individual.
• Practice self-compassion. Give yourself grace. Be kind to yourself. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support you’d show to a good friend. Embrace the perfectly-imperfect. We’re human. Allow yourself space and grace to make mistakes and learn from them.
• Evaluate and adjust expectations. Look internally at your expectations of yourself and others. Are they reasonable? If not, adjust them to be more aligned with reality. This helps prevent negative emotions. Maintains friendships. Create a positive work environment where success and growth can continue. And most importantly, a happy home.

For all the mom bosses out there, shifting focus from perfection to quality is a business decision and a lifestyle choice. It allows us to grow our business or career while also enjoying the fleeting moments of motherhood without the overwhelming pressure to be perfect. Let quality be the habit and guide. Start with one small habit to improve quality in your life rather than striving for perfection in all of life. One small habit added each day will bring great, positive change. You can read Atomic Habits for added inspiration on this one.

So, from a recovering “perfectionist”, I am no longer interested in perfection, and I will never refer to myself as a “perfectionist” again. I strive for quality. And grace.

Truly,

Helen