Redefining Personal Achievement

Personal achievement is often defined by physical feats like running marathons or reading so many books in a year it breaks a Guinness world record. This is proven by a simple Google search of "personal achievement". The very first search result that appears says "anything from building a house to running the Boston Marathon". However, for working moms or mothers in general, these types of accomplishments may not be possible during certain seasons of life.

The question is: should we redefine personal achievement and accept that successes may fall outside of a traditional "check the box"?

My Personal Journey

Recently, I completed an application for a professional recognition award. One of the questions was "What is your greatest personal achievement from the last 12 months? For example: Did you run a marathon? Learn a new language?"

I took a pause at this question. It took me a couple days to formulate a response because it made me feel inadequate. Like I had accomplished nothing in my last 12 months. I questioned whether I should even finish the application because perhaps I truly was not qualified and did not fit their requirements of success.

Then I realized, why should my personal success of the last 12 months be defined by the ability to train and complete a marathon? My success is personal to me and how I define success. Not how an advisory panel views my personal success.

So, I answered their question honestly. In the last 12 months, I grew my business to achieve success as the 2nd Fastest Growing Company in South Florida WHILE being an actively involved mom to my two very young boys (ages 3 and 5). I suffered a miscarriage. Three months later, I became pregnant again (she is arriving very, very soon!). The year had taken a toll on my mental health and my physical body. So, while I could not complete a marathon nor read so many books to break a world record, I focused on what success meant to me this year.

Yes, I have completed a half marathon (in a different season of my life).

Yes, I summited two 14ers' in a single day (in a different season of my life).

Yes, I sailed (not cruised) over 2,000 miles, at sea for 19 days, across the Pacific Ocean on an 1812 warship replica (in a different season of my life).

But this year was not the year for any of that.

Instead, I personally focused on what I truly needed in this season of my life. I took a pause on pushing my body constantly. I focused inward and invested into my personal mental health and physical health. I learned the practice of meditation and the long-term health benefits this will have on my mental and physical health. These long-term benefits will allow me to continue to conquer my professional goals and to be the best, most present mother I can be. I focused on consistent, daily exercise like going on a walk and feeling the sunshine daily.

I feel confident that in this season of my life the reduction of constant underlying stress and anxiety through daily meditation/prayer and physical activity was the best personal achievement and gift I could have provided myself in the last 12 months.

Then I was curious, how many other working moms or moms in general can add society-defined personal achievement successes to their resume?

Always the Numbers

The 2023 State of Motherhood report by Motherly was just released last week. The personal achievement question is quite timely in relation to the statistics they provide from their annual survey.

The purpose of the annual report is explained by Jill Koziel (CEO and Co-Founder of Motherly), "Our annual report ... equips [mothers] and their supporters with insights to advocate for change, working to ensure that every mother can find her footing – even when so many systems are failing her."

• 51% of moms report they have not gone out with friends or their partner in the last month.
• 51% of moms report they prioritize sleep over socializing with friends and family.
• 46% of moms report they contribute the majority of the household income.
• 61% of moms report they primarily handle household chores and family responsibilities.

And perhaps the statistic of most relevance as it comes to personal achievements:

• 62% of moms report getting less than one hour to themselves each day (without work and family obligations). This jumps up to 95% when including 1-2 hours to themselves each day.

When I think of the amount of time it takes to get ready for my day, shower, and simply unwind from the day where is the time to train for a marathon if 95% of moms are only getting 0 to 2 hours of alone time each day?

The Next Step

We can start by redefining success in our own terms. Instead of striving for society's narrow definition of success, we can create our definition based on what we value in our personal life. Let's recognize and celebrate our achievements that matter most.

This past year there were so many days where I ended the day feeling unaccomplished. Asking myself "what did I even do today"? On the days I felt this way, I would sit for just 5 minutes with my journal and think back through my day about the accomplishments for myself, my family, and my business.

We can surround ourselves with a supportive community. This can be done through joining local groups, attending networking events, and connecting with others who face similar challenges in this season of life. These connections can provide emotional support and help to shift perspective towards a more positive outlook.

It's important for women and moms to prioritize self-care and self-compassion. We give so much of ourselves. We need to take time for ourselves to recharge and replenish. We need to be kind to ourselves when we are doubting our abilities and the all-too-familiar "mom guilt" creeps in. Self-care can take many forms, from meditation and exercise to hobbies and spending time with the people who fill our cup. By prioritizing self-care and self-compassion, we can cultivate a more positive and empowering mindset, and overcome the societal expectations that can lead to feelings of inadequacy.

Instead of taking ourselves out of the running for professional recognition and awards because we may not meet the archaic definition let's be honest about our lives. We SHOULD be proud. We are accomplishing a lot. Daily.

Filling up the cup,

Helen

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Co-Founder of Tentho – the Future of Accounting. Contact me directly if you are interested in using Tentho as a board member, CFO, tax accountant, or financial accountant.5

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References: The 2023 State of Motherhood by Motherly