Exactly 4 years ago today, I woke up from an emergency surgery at 5 days postpartum. I had been discharged from the hospital after a "complication-free" delivery with my 2nd child only to be rushed back to the ER a couple days later.
I was put on complete bedrest for 4 weeks with an infant and a 17-month-old toddler at home. I was not allowed to carry my new baby for 12 weeks. At the time, my husband worked for a company that did not offer any form of paternity leave, nor flexible work arrangements. He drained his PTO almost immediately and was forced to return to the office for 11-hour days well before I was ever allowed to leave bed.
I was literally confined to bed. I could hardly walk to the kitchen to pour a glass of water for myself.
What did I do?
I opened my laptop at 2 weeks postpartum (on bedrest) and reengaged with work. In my mind, I figured if I could not help with my children and hold my baby than I may as well dive right into work and make money for our family.
Would I have chosen this path without the financial pressure? Probably not.
As a rather new entrepreneur, I did not have paid maternity leave, nor short-term disability benefits. We were down 50% of our household income for every day I did not work. So, I figured, if I was useless with my family then why not return to my clients so I could earn a paycheck.
It was a horrible decision for my mental health. Instead of taking the time to allow my mind to process my physical trauma, I piled on more mental stress by bringing my work deadlines back into my life. But I knew our financial needs. Our medical bills. And the extra expenses we needed to pay to support my recovery.
Here's what made me okay. God. My surgeon. My 75-year-old father moved in with us for a month. Our nanny took care of me like I was her daughter. Friends came to bathe my children. Family and friends brought food and emotional support. On and on and on. I sought out physical and mental health professionals to put me on the right path both physically and mentally. The latter was possible only through financial means.
Fast forward to 2023. I am healthy. Physically and mentally.
We are welcoming our miracle, baby girl via planned c section in just a few days. From being told 4 years ago that I could not have more children to miscarrying last summer to finding out a baby girl is joining our family...there have been fears and tears and pure happiness.
And for the very first time, I will take a proper maternity leave.
Always the Numbers
At this point in 2023, it should not be a secret about the complete lack of parental leave in our country. Here are some critical numbers:
The Next Step
Simply put, it is impossible post childbirth to expect a mother to return to work immediately. And mothers without financial means are forced to return to work earlier than advisable. Aside from the mother's physical (and many times mental) healing, the infant needs a primary caregiver (think adoptions and surrogacy).
Companies should pay attention to research and statistics. Realizing a requirement for a mother or father to return to work too early is physically and mentally detrimental. This causes an economic detriment to the company. The economic detriment comes from work inefficiencies, work errors, and increases in health insurance costs. In addition, they may lose the employee completely which adds expenses in further loss of work, productivity and recruiting costs.
Government should pay attention to the research and statistics. Realizing the burden cannot be solely placed on companies. There are over 69 million employees that are not eligible for FMLA. This means 69 million people have a job that is unprotected (and likely do not receive any financial support). I want to highlight the statistic that only 6% of the lowest 10% of earners have paid family leave.
I believe as mothers we cannot continue to hide the realities of childbirth because we are only hurting ourselves and each other. Those first 12 weeks are beautiful and Just. So. Hard.
I share my story today with the intent of providing an example for the true need for paid family leave.
Keep us in your prayers while we welcome this new miracle life into our world.
Filling up the cup,
Helen
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Co-Founder of Tentho – the Future of Accounting. Contact me directly if you are interested in using Tentho as a board member, CFO, tax accountant, or financial accountant.
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References:
Bureau of Labor Statistics, Pew Research Survey, International Labour Organization