Think about the women in your close circle.
Do you know what they do professionally? Or if they are taking a “power pause” (coined by Neha Ruch) to raise their kids, do you know their professional passions and talents?
I think it’s easy to say, “she’s a teacher” or “she’s in finance” or “she’s in marketing.”
But each of these professions are immensely broad.
Let’s talk about your friend who is a teacher. Is there a subject or specialization? Does she feel content where she is currently, or does she have other aspirations within teaching or outside teaching? What does her day to day in the classroom look like? Does she have a support within her professional network?
I have a challenge for all of us.
Women – I challenge us to practice our own conversational skills at the next birthday party. Yes, all the easy questions are easy. Schools. Teachers. Summer camps. Etc. We know about each other kids and community activities. And all of this is helpful conversation!! But are we learning about each other? Are we learning that we may have the same profession? Or the same future aspirations? Or maybe we’re not the same at all but maybe we can make an introduction for a friend.
Men – I challenge you to take interest in the women. And I am not talking about our single, dating days. I’m talking about our professional and personal ambitions. It is frequently assumed that I don’t work because I have three children. Far from the truth. And I will further challenge you that even if a woman is taking a “power pause” now to raise her kids I will venture to say she has goals and ambitions that are outside of her children. So instead of assuming you don’t have anything in common professionally you may have a book to recommend or an introduction to make!
What if we all took our small talk conversations a step further?
She’s a teacher. She’s in real estate. She’s a doctor.
We ask a simple follow up question with genuine interest. And another question. And another. Where can this small talk conversation lead? It is no longer small talk. No longer surface level. You are showing genuine interest in the other.
And that is call humility.
Always the Numbers
Why do these two statistics in particular matter when it comes to supporting women? Great question! It has to do with putting our money where our mouth is when we say we are supportive of women.
The Next Step
First, let’s define humility.
Oxford Dictionary: Humility – a modest or low view of one’s own importance; humbleness.
However, this definition is widely misinterpreted and misunderstood. You are not downplaying yourself. Your actions are to show interest in the other person first before singing about your own accomplishments.
My favorite explanation for humility is from a parenting book. The Collapse of Parenting by Leonard Sax, MD, PhD.
He writes, “Some parents no longer even understand what the word “humility” means. Those parents think that humility means trying to convince yourself that you’re stupid when you know that you are smart. … No. Humility simply means being as interested in other people as you are in yourself. It means that when you meet new people, you try to learn something about them before going off a spiel about how incredible your current project is. Humility means really listening when someone else is talking, instead of just preparing your own speechlet in your head before you’ve really heard what the other person is saying.”
Now, let’s talk about money. Why do any of us work? By far the primary reason is so we can provide for our families.
How often do we expect free or steeply discounted goods or services from family and friends? Do we think it’s owed to us? I’ll encourage us all to change our thought process to be the opposite. We should be the first in line to pay our family and friends for their service.
When you pay your friend or relative for their work you are showing the following:
Here's to making more genuine connections, truly taking interest in those around us, and respecting the years of expertise.
Truly,
Helen